Make Your Own She Shed!
I’ve been reading lots of articles lately about she sheds – they’re the women’s equivalent of a “man cave,” where you can decompress and center yourself.
So I decided to make one of my own:
Quick, Easy Dinner: Half a Bottle of Wine
This is what my field of vision looks like right now!
I had “one of those days” today. A long, frustrating one that left me feeling completely drained. The last thing I wanted to do after a ten hour work day was go home and cook dinner. In fact, I wasn’t even hungry. Do you ever have those days?
I could have put tens of minutes into chopping and cooking vegetables and putting them over rice or in pasta, but instead, I went for something quicker. In five seconds flat, I opened up a bottle of red wine (type unclear) that was sitting in my pantry.
That’s it! Prep work, done. Cooking time, nonexistent.
Better yet, it’s in my bloodstream immediately, no digestion necessary! I’m not even hungry anymore. And let me tell you, I’m having a great time! Also, I’m dizzy.
My Competent Guest: Office Fitness
Camille does her exercises.
I’m extremely adequate. But that doesn’t mean I can be adequate at everything, all the time (I’m only human!). Sometimes, I need to seek the help of someone who is just as adequate as I am. So I’m pleased to present my first interview with a Guest Competent Person!
Work days are long, and sitting kills people. So when I wanted to learn about how to get more exercise at work, I talked to my friend and fellow blogger Camille Campbell.
Camille has been a dedicated assistant since she graduated from college (she declined to say when she graduated). When she started life as an “office drone” she was worried that she would have to sacrifice her physical well being in order to earn a paycheck, but then she created a revolutionary ‘stay fit at work’ program. I met up with her at her favorite donut shop to discuss her body goals and office fitness, or as she calls it, Offness™.
Julie: Tell us about your Offness™ routine.
Camille: The core of my practice revolves around breakfast. Every morning I have breakfast at my desk, usually some Lucky Charms and then two hard boiled eggs with 5 tablespoons of Cholula, and to carry all that food involves a lot of delicate balancing, shifting weight between arms, while engaging my core. Then once I make it to my desk, I don’t get my coffee until later. That way I’ll get up from my desk to get my coffee. That’s the beauty of Offness™ – it’s subtle and smoothly blends in with your day.
J: I don’t think I could commit to anything that makes me delay coffee, but maybe I’ll get there someday. Besides breakfast, what are some other ways you practice Offness™?
C: There are so many ways to creatively enjoy Offness™. Yesterday, I printed all the reports I needed at a printer in another building. Then I went and looked for them. Took me twenty minutes, so that’s almost one of the three recommended 30 minute workouts doctors suggest you do every week. To get those other two workouts in, I’ll drink a lot of water to increase my trips to the bathroom. People think I’m speed walking to the bathroom because I really have to go, but it’s just a part of my program.
J: Wow. I’m lucky to get five minutes of cardio when I’m running for the bus! What about strength training? Flexibility?
C: My desk is in a very public area, so there’s a limited number of socially acceptable movements I can do. I tend to do hourly leg lifts under my desk. I just lift one leg up and then the other. It keeps the blood flowing in my legs. Or I’ll print out copies of my favorite gchat conversations, so I’ll need to refill the printer more. We keep our paper on a bottom shelf in the supply closet, so that’s one squat, and the paper acts as a three pound weight, more if you take two reams. Exercise is all around us once you look for it.
J: Thats a beautiful mantra. Do your coworkers support your efforts?
C: I was questioned about my use of office paper. But I just let our Office Manager, Jared Krakowski, know that it’s part of my fitness plan, and I have every right to take care of myself. He was very understanding. He’s been trying to walk to his car in the parking lot more, and I can tell it’s made a difference for him. This is why Offness™ is the best kind of fitness – it forces you to express who you are and fight for your rights in the workplace.
J: What about diet? I notice you’re eating an apple fritter right now.
C: Offices are not known for their healthy food, so if you’re going to adapt and thrive in an urban office fitness environment, you have to be able to eat whatever and whenever. This donut keeps me training on a Saturday.
J: Yes, speaking of Saturdays, how do you practice Offness™ on the weekends?
C: This is one of my two rest days. All fitness plans have rest days.
(Camille then stared at me for an uncomfortably long time.)
J: I see… Well, how many calories do you estimate that you burn per day practicing Offness™?
C: Offness™ isn’t about burning calories. Because when you turn the whole office into your gym, it’s impossible to count how many calories you’re burning. I mean how many calories do you burn typing? Your fingers do a lot of lifts and crunches, but how do you measure that? No one knows, so we don’t count those calories, which is a sizable loss if you’re trying to count calories. So you can’t measure Offness™ with calories. You have to measure it with results – how does it make you feel.
J: I like feelings. How does Offness™ make you feel?
C: Before I started Offness™ I never moved – I just sat, counting the hours until I could go home and sit and watch “Call the Midwife.” Now I feel alive and filled with zest, and I’ve done that without disrupting my life with jogging, yoga or any other aggressive form of exercise.
J: Has your body changed since you started practicing Offness™?
C: I think it has, but until Jared agrees to buy scales for the bathrooms I won’t really know. And on one level I’m okay with that. Because like I said, Offness™ isn’t about results. It’s more about surrender and compliance.
4 Things I Love: Time is Meaningless!
Soon. Sandwich.
It is not Wednesday, nor is it last Wednesday (which I skipped), but time is merely a human-designed construct, so LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF I LOVE!
- Easy Answers. Most questions in life don’t have easy answers. Why are we here?, for example, or What is the meaning of all of this? But over the weekend, dozens of flies turned up in my house and they were all dying. Gross! Also, unsettling! Poisonous gases? But one quick google of “flies are dying in my house” told me that it’s just cluster flies, which sound fake but are real. The hide in the walls and emerge on a hot day, dying all at once. Gross! But easily explained. But gross.
- Anticipation. SandwichQuest is leading me all the way to Chicago next week, and I can’t wait. It’s the kind of excitement that, for me, only comes with getting to go back home and/or eat my favorite sandwich. What I’m saying is, stay tuned for the next installment of SandwichQuest
- Drinking Alone. Being at bars by myself makes me extremely anxious, but I was feeling writers block-y this week and coffee shops weren’t doing the trick. I ventured to happy hour at a dark bar by myself, laptop in tow. I sequestered myself away in a dark corner, was ignored by everybody, and got drunk on happy hour old fashioneds. Also it was pretty productive. And I don’t remember the walk home!
- This Video. I don’t know, I just like it.
A SandwichQuest Mirage
In case you’re new to My Adequate Lifestyle, I’m on a quest to find the perfect sandwich in Los Angeles. A sandwich that satiates my body and also my soul, that makes me feel spiritually whole. It is a SandwichQuest, and it is a serious matter.
Sandwich.
The Melrose Cafe was not on my SandwichQuest spreadsheet. I’d never even heard of it before (and haven’t since…hmmmmm). But my friend Eric and I were looking for a place to have lunch, and we walked there because it was nearby. The storefront is unassuming and easy to miss – almost too easy to miss.
As we were waiting in line to order, we started to wonder, “Aren’t these sandwiches pretty cheap for everything that’s on them?” They were. At the counter, the woman asked us which side we wanted – it was included with the sandwich, so she said. Highly questionable that a $7-8 sandwich would include a side. Something wasn’t right. Still, we both ordered salads.
Then two of these arrived at our table:
Side salad.
Immediately, we were suspicious. Two kinds of cheese? Three kinds of peppers? What’s the catch here? Did we actually walk into an unassuming storefront, or is this a deal we made with the devil? Were we even at a restaurant at all?
Then the sandwiches came out. I got the toscano panini, which featured turkey AND chicken, plus pesto and tomatoes and…avocado? Very Italian. I’m not complaining. It was a little too much meat for me, but overall was nearly perfect. It almost felt like a sandwich I’d made up myself. But…did I?
We each packed up more leftovers than should ever come from a light lunch, and stepped out into the bright sunshine. Had we just experienced a collective sandwich hallucination? WAS there even a Melrose Cafe? I guess I’ll never know unless I drive by or go back again or look it up on the internet. But some things are meant to be mysteries.
Grade: A
Spiritual Wholeness Quotient: On par with stepping through a wardrobe and finding Narnia, only instead of Turkish Delight there are sandwiches.
4 Things I Love: Beach Edition
I know, I know, every Wednesday I’m supposed to bring you a list of four things to love from the previous week. But loving things takes a lot of energy, and this week I just wasn’t up to the challenge. Also it is currently Friday.
So I bailed on everything and went to the beach!
I might be a deeply unfun person who does not love the beach, but I DO love some other things.
We went wine tasting, and I love wine.
My friend Carly came to town, and I love Carly!
Brigid buried John in sand, and I love other people’s misfortune!
This photo is heavily filtered, and I love pretending that it’s reality!
My Excruciating Morning Routine
Start every morning with a smile!
I’ll admit it: I have a tough time with mornings! That sinking feeling when I remember that I have to face another day? It’s nearly unbearable.
I think we all know that getting out the door in the morning can be tough. Until the first cup of coffee, my worst enemy is conscious thought. I find that having a little structure is the key to an easy, painful morning. Here’s mine:
6:45 – First alarm goes off. I try to remember who I am.
6:52 – Second alarm goes off. I try to remember where I am.
7:00 – Third alarm goes off. I reset this alarm for 7:05.
7:05 – Fourth alarm goes off. The last alarm. This is a terrible moment.
7:07 – I think about getting out of bed.
7:08 – I actually get out of bed.
7:09 – I brush my teeth and curse the world.
7:12 – I gather my clothes out of a pile of work-wear that lives on a table in the corner. I get back into bed and curl into a little ball.
7:15 – I think, “I should really put on these clothes.”
7:16 – I debate calling in sick, changing my identity, and starting a new life on an island.
7:17 – I put on those clothes.
7:19 – I look for my purse and curse the world.
7:20 – I stumble to the bus stop.
It’s that simple – just those exact steps every day, and I’m out the door in 35 minutes flat. Easy! Breezy! Miserable! If I divert by even one minute, I will never go to work again and my bed will swallow me up forever.
Now it’s your turn! What helps you get going in the morning? 🙂
This Tostada Should Have Been a Bummer
On weekends, I love to make myself a nice breakfast while I scramble to make coffee before the caffeine withdrawal headache sets in. One of my favorites is a breakfast tostada, which usually involves some scrambled eggs. However, after making scrambled eggs with vanilla almond milk one too many times (do not recommend), I thought I’d mix it up and fry the eggs instead.
I didn’t have high hopes for this breakfast, since a fried egg on a tostada seemed a little bland. To spice it up, I added some sliced tomato and crumbled goat cheese. This made the whole thing seem a little less sad, but still – it’s a very cursory meal, entirely based on convenience.
UNTIL…
I used my tiny Ikea frying pan to make the eggs! It turns out, this created an egg disc that was exactly the same size as the tostada. It was an incredibly satisfying dish to assemble.
Those two circles are the same size!
Somehow, the yolks didn’t break as I was cooking the eggs, and the heat from the eggs melted the goat cheese – and runny yolk, gooey cheese, plus crispy tostada? What should have been a disappointing end-of-the-groceries breakfast turned into a satisfying miracle!
In conclusion, go get one of those tiny frying pans.
4 Things I Love: Phoning It In
I don’t have a lot to say about this week, but it’s Wednesday so I have to. After all, how can I lead others to follow my lifestyle without sticking to a schedule? What kind of a lifestyle blogger would I be if I skipped this week? So here goes.
- Emails. Nothing says “I’m coming out of a deep depression” like sending a flurry of excited emails in the same hour. I sent a lot of emails this week.
- Podcasts. So many podcasts. Good ones, bad ones, boring ones, interesting ones. They all help drown out the noise in my head. Listing specific podcasts is too much effort, and since I’m phoning it in, I’ll save the actual recommendations for another week. I do love those podcasts though.
- Free NYT Articles. I love them so much, I ran out of my ten for the month already! On the 11th. Boy, those articles sure are great.
- Phones. Can’t phone it in without phones. Love me some phones.
Clothing Items I’ve Had Since High School
Fashion is changing constantly, in every place except my closet. As the world moves swiftly forward, these pieces are staying put. It’s like the old saying goes: “It’s 2002-2006 somewhere!” and as the other saying goes, “I’m still a child!”
Zara Sweater. What’s black and white and stretched out all over? This sweater was purchased on a family trip to London in 2006 (“Hmm, I wonder what this Zara place is??”), and the cuffs have been losing elasticity since then. But shh, nobody needs to know. The narrow stripes – and fun row of buttons along the shoulder – pull the eye away from the sagging sleeves. How can sleeves sag? I’m not sure, but they’re doing it.
Gap Green Cardigan. I agonized for ages over whether to pay full price for this sweater as a high school senior, and for some reason I was so in love with it that I decided yes. It’s cable-knit and lumpy, which means it isn’t particularly warm OR attractive. I throw it on when I want to tell the world, “I had a weird idea of what was flattering when I was 17.” So, a lot. I wear it a lot.
Old Navy V-Neck Pullover. This black pullover was one of the first things I bought when I started at a high school that didn’t have a uniform. What I love about this piece is how it creates tension between memories of being terrified amidst a sea of new people, and the comfort of over-stretched fabric. In adult terms, this sweater is a total classic that matches everything. In 14-year-old terms, I was a boring and sensible child.
Monopoly Socks. Can you believe a pair of socks has held up for over ten years? I want to say I lost these in the back of a closet for a few of those years, if only to make it somehow acceptable that I’ve kept a pair of socks for this long. There’s a small hole in the bottom of one of them, but really, they look alarmingly good. Here’s to another ten years of these socks!
(Photography and small dog provided by Maggie Gottlieb.)
My Adequate Lifestyle 
