Melatonin Substitute: Reading a Book!

As all my loyal fans know, Tylenol PM is my favorite drug. What can I say? I’m a successful lifestyle blogger but a bad sleeper! And when I’m not taking Tylenol PM to pass out, I’m taking melatonin to gently drift into a peaceful slumber.

This week, though, I’ve been reading before bed. That’s right, I’ve been putting away my computer, placing my phone two whole feet away from my body, and reading words from a parcel of papers. I get tired within minutes! I don’t see blue spots when I close my eyes and feel slightly wired until 2am! I get the same drowsy feeling as I do with melatonin, but without all the…hormones and probably some other chemicals and whatever else is in there?

To get the full effect of my revolutionary new sleep aid, I recommend reading a non-fiction book with a lot of statistics and not much suspense, but any book will do. The best part is, if you use this sleep aid long enough, you’ll read an entire book! And that, my drowsy friends, is what I call a success! 🙂

Install an Air Conditioner in Just 3 Months!

Winter White

With the first day of fall just barely behind us, it’s time to ahead to crisp mornings, crunchy leaves, and enough pumpkin spice to melt your teeth away. AND, it’s the perfect time to finish all those lingering summer projects, like installing an air conditioner!

After a week in June where it got so hot that our wifi router stopped working, I caved and bought a small window AC unit on Amazon. I’d never had an air conditioner before, but with a second floor bedroom, it seemed like a good investment.

I received the air conditioner on July 1. It wasn’t hot then, and using it felt like a waste of electricity. So it sat in the box for a few weeks until my roommates offered to help enough times that I caved and opened the box.

So by August 1, I had learned that a small bracket under the air conditioner didn’t fit in my windowsill, and I needed to buy a new bracket. I kept “go to hardware store” on my mental to-do list for 3 weeks, until finally caving and ordering brackets on Amazon. Then, I don’t know how to use power tools, so I had to wait for the power-tool-having roommate to be in town and not working, and I had to be in town and not working, and all of a sudden, it was the first day of fall.

But as you can see, it’s possible to install an air conditioner in as little as 3 months, if you’re very diligent and easily consumed by the magnitude of small tasks. And that’s what I call a productivity success 🙂

My Adequate Hiatus

I ignored this mantra


I’m sure that you, my hopelessly devoted fan base, have noticed that I haven’t posted in a couple weeks. Well, even successful lifestyle bloggers need to take vacations sometimes!

I’m pleased to report that I’ve taken the last two weeks to live my life as usual. I traveled from my bed, to my couch, to my car, and back again.

I exercised one time. I ate a lot of pizza. I kept forgetting to go to the hardware store. And I realized just how important it is to recharge those batteries by changing absolutely nothing about my routine. Because now, I’m prepared to be the lifestyle blogger that you, the adequate masses, deserve.

I Don’t Need Sleep to Thrive!

As a successful lifestyle blogger, I’ve cultivated a superior amount of control over my body. While most bodies need at least 6 or more hours of sleep to function adequately during the day, mine is fully equppped to thrive on just two r three. Thatsriiihgt, even as I age, I’m just as functional as ever only now, the whole wordld looks like a hologram. Fun!

Selfie mode

For example, last night I stayepdup to 3am in the mirnong. Thing I wokeupat6. If yourrrrrrrrrrre donting the math at home then you know I got just three little tiny hours of sleep.

But! here I am, fully functioning at a work place. All it takes is just wanting it bad enough.   I don’t see any weird shapesapapses dancing in front of my eyes and I definitely didit nod off in the middle of writing this sena”””””””

And that proves that wiht just a little willpower and sherbet bicycle elevator ding noise grooggggg………… YOu too can eliminate extravagant sleeping from your life;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;’w

I’m a Mop!

Is the swiffer a mop? No, I’m a mop!

As a successful lifestyle blogger, I’m really, really good at being a person. But after a while, being a person isn’t enough anymore. So I thought to myself, if I’m this good at being a person, what else can I be? The answer was clear: to be truly productive, I had to also be a mop.

Successful lifestyle bloggers multi-task, and this is the ultimate multi-tasking: I’m a successful person and a successful mop. I can exercise and clean at once. I’m multi-tasking at the kind of multi-tasking I’m doing. So successful!

With these mop socks, it was so easy to transcend my humanity. I just put them on, sprayed some Green Works on the kitchen floor, and danced around for a while. It sort of raised my heart rate a little bit, and the floor got sort of cleaner than it was before.

The socks made me more successful than a person, and less successful than a mop. Now that’s what I call an adequate day’s work 🙂

 

Photo by Maggie Gottlieb

My Favorite Apps for Changing Nothing About My Lifestyle

It seems like these days, there’s an app to improve just about every part of your life. A lot of them look time-consuming and stressful, but not these. Here are some apps I love for creating the smallest illusion of life change.

I’ve been trying to get more sleep, so I downloaded Sleep Cycle a few months ago. It’s an app that runs during the night and, like magic, tracks your sleep patterns (based on breathing I guess? Technology is scary). I love it because it “reminds” me to pay attention to how much sleep I’m getting every night, even though I’ve made no effort to improve my habits at all. It also tracks my sleep quality, which is generally poor.

SworkIt is an app where a small person leads you in five minute workouts. “Stretching” is pictured above but “yoga,” “strength,” and “cardio” are also available workout options. What’s great about this one is that you can watch the little person do your workout and still feel as if you get some of the benefits. Plus it’s only a five minute investment of your time, so how hard can it be to keep up with it? Also I use it rarely.


5 Every Day is a fantastic resource for all Los Angeles folks. It was made by some sort of public radio station, maybe? Anyway, it’s my favorite way to learn what’s going on around town so I can feel bad for not going to even more things. Until I got this app, I had no idea what gallery openings and concerts I was missing out on every single day of the week. The simple interface makes it easy to think “ooh, I should check that out!” every day, and then sit at home with Netflix.

My Excruciating Morning Routine

 

Start every morning with a smile!

I’ll admit it: I have a tough time with mornings! That sinking feeling when I remember that I have to face another day? It’s nearly unbearable.

I think we all know that getting out the door in the morning can be tough. Until the first cup of coffee, my worst enemy is conscious thought. I find that having a little structure is the key to an easy, painful morning. Here’s mine:

6:45 – First alarm goes off. I try to remember who I am.

6:52 – Second alarm goes off. I try to remember where I am.

7:00 – Third alarm goes off. I reset this alarm for 7:05.

7:05 – Fourth alarm goes off. The last alarm. This is a terrible moment.

7:07 – I think about getting out of bed.

7:08 – I actually get out of bed.

7:09 – I brush my teeth and curse the world.

7:12 – I gather my clothes out of a pile of work-wear that lives on a table in the corner. I get back into bed and curl into a little ball.

7:15 – I think, “I should really put on these clothes.”

7:16 – I debate calling in sick, changing my identity, and starting a new life on an island.

7:17 – I put on those clothes.

7:19 – I look for my purse and curse the world.

7:20 – I stumble to the bus stop.

It’s that simple – just those exact steps every day, and I’m out the door in 35 minutes flat. Easy! Breezy! Miserable! If I divert by even one minute, I will never go to work again and my bed will swallow me up forever.

Now it’s your turn! What helps you get going in the morning? 🙂