Recipe: Mediterranean-ish Wrap


Last night, I wanted to eat something. I wanted to cook, but I didn’t have the energy to cook. Here’s a perfectly functional recipe for something in the vaguely Mediterranean family kind of.
You’ll need:
1 tortilla
some hummus
an amount of onion
brown rice/quinoa blend
mozzarella cheese?
3 or 4 grape tomatoes
To make this totally acceptable wrap, you’ll want to start by warming the tortilla- I used a regular tortilla even though I meant to get the extra soft ones because they’re spongey and they make me feel safe. This recipe works best if you forget you put the tortilla in the toaster oven, so it comes out far too hot and then brittles itself into a crunchy crisp.
Next, slather hummus onto the tortilla. Any amount will do. Slice an arbitrary amount of onions (best if it’s enough to overpower the whole dish), taking extra care to forego a cutting board and slice your thumb with a serrated knife in the process.
Pause to rinse the blood off yourself and the onion.
Then, add 1/4 cup (maybe? that sounds like a nice measurement?) of instant quinoa/brown rice blend. Throw on some mozzarella cheese because hey, it was in the fridge. Top it off with some fresh spinach. And don’t forget, grape tomatoes are another thing you can slice without a cutting board. So why not nick your thumb just one more time for good measure?
Verdict: This was okay. It tasted a little weird, and that was probably the mozzarella. But if I ordered it at a restaurant, I wouldn’t send it back. I also wouldn’t go back to that restaurant.


Isn’t it crazy how there are six-point-something billion people on this planet and we’re all trying to pretend that we’re functioning humans? Sometimes it boggles my mind when I step back and think about it. There’s no way that everybody can possibly be thriving, and we’re not. Isn’t it crazy how many of us are not being our best selves?

But I believe we can all be our kind-of-okay selves. And I’m here to show you how! And probably to show me how. I don’t know, we’ll figure it out as we go. Right, friends?