As a successful lifestyle blogger, I know that individuality is very important. Tattoos are a great way to tell the world how unique you are and turn your body into a work of art! But tattoos can also be expensive, and they require you to ask the question “Is there something I’d like to put on my body forEVER?” which triggers an existential spiral in even the most adequate among us.
Yesterday, I was roasting some tomatillos on the bottom rack of the oven. When I reached in to take them out, the back of my hand brushed against the rack and gave me a line-shaped burn. It was only about an inch away from the toaster oven burn I got two years ago at an Air Bnb, which left a small smudge of a scar near my wrist.
I had two choices: accept that I am someone who should own those potholders that look like big mittens, or embrace my fate. And, because true lifestyle success is marked by acceptance of the inevitable, I choose to treat these burns and scars as an invitation to have a tattoo that I never wanted.
What should I tell people this tattoo is? Tell me in the comments!
As a successful lifestyle blogger, I know that dressing up involves a meltdown of epic proportions. From anxiety over what dress to wear, to trepidation that my hair isn’t cooperating, to being fully convinced that I’ll be under and/or over-dressed, looking nice is an all-day ordeal.
When my friends Maggie and Charlie got married at a beautiful, elegant ceremony in Chicago, it was no exception. My dress and hair felt wrong, I couldn’t tell how formal the wedding was, and I don’t know how to put on lipstick. But finally, after a few tears, a small existential meltdown, and a lot of reassurance from patient pals, I thought, “Hey, I actually look pretty good!”
Once I looked nice, I had to make sure my effort was worth it by it by taking zero photos. The fun peacock-print dress I was wearing didn’t need to be shown off, even though the (A-line? maybe?) cut of the dress was so perfectly offset by the understated low stilettos I was wearing, and I felt downright semi-confident wearing it.
After all, I only put genuine effort into dressing up twice, maybe three times a year, so it’s best if it happens quietly for only a few to see, to be immediately forgotten by the sands of time 🙂
As a successful lifestyle blogger, I take a lot of photos of myself. It’s important to show you, my loyal readers, what I look like so you view me as a favorable lifestyle personality. But actually it’s all a ruse to take a lot of selfies. I’m sorry.
I could make a whole post about how this look is a part of some new beauty routine or something, but really I just like this picture and I wanted to post it. I’m sorry. I went to film something and there was a makeup artist on set. I can’t even pass this off as my beauty hack because I have no idea how she did it I’m sorry. If I were to come up with a beauty hack from this, it would be “hire a makeup artist.” But nobody can do that. I’m sorry, please indulge this post that is completely about me.
When I got back to my car I took a quick picture to see what the makeup looked like. The lighting was pretty good, and all in all I thought it was a really good picture. I’m sorry. This is a totally narcissistic post where I pretend I’m telling you a beauty hack but it’s just to validate me and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ll even make the picture really small so you don’t have to look at my face too much. I don’t want to waste too much of your time loading a big picture of my professionally altered but totally natural face.
This blog is supposed to tell you how to live an adequate life, and I’m only showing you an adequate illusion. Would it help if I pointed out that my glasses are crooked and my bangs dried kind of weird? No? Sorry. This was unnecessary. I’ll be back with a recipe or a cleaning tip next time I’m sorry. Again, so sorry.
Do I look okay though?
Old Life/New Life
As a successful lifestyle blogger, I know that your look is the most important reflection of who you are. That leaves me to wonder: if I change my look, who am I exactly? I cut off 6 inches of my hair to find out!
A drastic haircut is an exciting way to update your look and make the world seem fresh and new. Or is it a desperate plea to inject a little big of excitement into your draining, monotonous life? Who knows! Either way, I love my new haircut.
I knew it was time to cut my hair because it was getting hard to wash, but I could just sense that it was time to cut off so much of my hair that I feel like I’m living in someone else’s body. Was it because I wanted a fun look for fall? Or because my soul was desperately crying out, “Someone, save me from my rote daily existence that stretches on into infinity with no end in sight?” Ray at Atomic Hair Lab did such a great job that it doesn’t even matter!
Everything is great now.
The feeling of watching giant chunks of my own hair fall to the floor and collect at my feet was liberating and exciting. Piles of hair fanned out before me, like dismantling all the dreams and plans I made for my life and combing through them, wondering if they will ever pan out and if the journey is really worth it at all, at the end of the day. Wondering: how does one ever really know if they are taking the right steps forward, or even if they are taking steps forward, when the journey only makes sense in hindsight looking back. It’s an endless puzzle, but then, isn’t the puzzle the most important part of the journey? Will it ever become easy to live with uncertainty? Anyway, the haircut’s great.
(Photo Credit: Jen Aubrecht)
Like any successful lifestyle blogger, I haven’t gotten a haircut in months. Haircuts are expensive! They also take time, and involve conversing with a near-stranger. No thank you!
But, I still wanted a fresh new look – something fun, different, and sassy. So I did what any reasonable adult would do and looked back to my elementary school pictures. And that’s when I found it: braids.
Forget expensive LA haircuts, forget time-consuming upkeep, forget looking like you can get into an R-rated movie without an adult. And instead, remember braids. We all liked them, except that they’re not as easy as they look,they don’t look cute when they’re messy, and if you turn your head they’ll fall out. But that’s the price of a beauty, and it’s cheaper than the alternative.
I have entered my braid phase. Join me!
It’s hard to see the whole thing from this angle, but fun pool right?
A few months ago, I expressed my resolve to wear these nerve-wracking outfits. Well, it took some time, but I finally wore that romper. I wore it to dinner during a bachelorette weekend in Palm Springs, and the ensemble was quite a success.
The romper is cute! I added a thick belt for a more defined silhouette, and a lacy blue bandeau bra helped with the backless-ness situation. It also features straps that crisscross in the back and have to be snapped in. This makes peeing next to impossible – it involves completely undressing. Then when you’re done, you have to sort out the strap situation, contorting your arms behind you to snap it closed while someone bangs on the bathroom door at a Mexican restaurant in downtown Palm Springs and you can’t figure out why one of the straps keeps twisting. Anyway, big fan of the romper! Excited to wear it again.
Does this donut make up for the fact that I forgot to get a photo of the back of the romper?
Photo credit: Lori Lewis
As a successful lifestyle blogger it’s important to travel a lot to expand my lifestyle, so I took one trip and will milk it for two weeks of posts. When traveling, you can’t just wear any outfit, you have to wear an outfit. So I wore one.
I wore this outfit in front of a mural.
I love this ensemble I wore one day in Chicago, so I don’t know, maybe you should wear it too? The thing I love most about this outfit is that it contains articles of clothing that go together. It features a skirt I acquired at a clothing swap, some thrift store boots, an old white tshirt from Target, and a sweater whose origin I don’t remember. So good luck finding any of these pieces, but maybe try?
I wore this outfit in front of Del Close.
I wore this outfit while I ate a sandwich. (Not pictured: most of outfit)
I wore this outfit on the brown line. (Not pictured: outfit or brown line)
I wore this outfit while I looked at these toy cars in a parking lot. (Not pictured: me, outfit)
Photo and Train Friendship By Cynthia Bangert
Fashion is changing constantly, in every place except my closet. As the world moves swiftly forward, these pieces are staying put. It’s like the old saying goes: “It’s 2002-2006 somewhere!” and as the other saying goes, “I’m still a child!”
Zara Sweater. What’s black and white and stretched out all over? This sweater was purchased on a family trip to London in 2006 (“Hmm, I wonder what this Zara place is??”), and the cuffs have been losing elasticity since then. But shh, nobody needs to know. The narrow stripes – and fun row of buttons along the shoulder – pull the eye away from the sagging sleeves. How can sleeves sag? I’m not sure, but they’re doing it.
Gap Green Cardigan. I agonized for ages over whether to pay full price for this sweater as a high school senior, and for some reason I was so in love with it that I decided yes. It’s cable-knit and lumpy, which means it isn’t particularly warm OR attractive. I throw it on when I want to tell the world, “I had a weird idea of what was flattering when I was 17.” So, a lot. I wear it a lot.
Old Navy V-Neck Pullover. This black pullover was one of the first things I bought when I started at a high school that didn’t have a uniform. What I love about this piece is how it creates tension between memories of being terrified amidst a sea of new people, and the comfort of over-stretched fabric. In adult terms, this sweater is a total classic that matches everything. In 14-year-old terms, I was a boring and sensible child.
Monopoly Socks. Can you believe a pair of socks has held up for over ten years? I want to say I lost these in the back of a closet for a few of those years, if only to make it somehow acceptable that I’ve kept a pair of socks for this long. There’s a small hole in the bottom of one of them, but really, they look alarmingly good. Here’s to another ten years of these socks!
(Photography and small dog provided by Maggie Gottlieb.)
Your style is the most immediate way to present who you are to the rest of the world. And I keep hoping that one day, I can be someone else. I bought/acquired these things with the intention of wearing them, but I haven’t done it yet. Here are some of my favorite pieces that I love to stare at longingly in my closet:
Who, me? I’m always casually standing under trees.
Polka Dot Crop Top. I bought this shirt at Goodwill without trying it on, and I thought it was a few inches longer. I want to be a person who’s comfortable with showing this skin, but I’m just not. I love the outfit though, so I forced myself to wear it once. I got catcalled on a side street ten seconds after leaving my house, and felt self-conscious all day, silently willing the shirt to grow more fabric as I tugged at the bottom of it. I haven’t worn it again, even though I want to.
Backless Sleeveless Top. When I was talked into buying it I thought, “yes, I can be the kind of person who wears this shirt.” But I can’t. I can only be me – a person who does not wear this shirt. It’s backless which is kind of confusing – no bra, I guess? Seriously, how do people wear things like this? I want to understand.
Plaid Romper. Oh how I hated rompers for so long. But now I see people wearing them and find myself thinking…could I? This one’s cute! It’s plaid. And blue. But wearing it still feels like such a bold move. It’s backless, but I didn’t get a picture of that because by then I had crossed over into complete self-consciousness about being photographed (Exhibit A: Leaning Tower of Romper pose). It also might be too big, but that’s fixable. I haven’t given up on this one yet – my hopes are high for summer!
(Photography and insecurity-wrangling by Inae Bloom.)