Diet Tip – Buy Subpar Snacks

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One of my guilty pleasures is that I love snacking. Yes, I’ll admit it: I like salty AND sweet snacks. And if you’re like me, it can be hard to “just quit” or “don’t keep it around the house.” Easier said than done, and a sure sign that I’ll be running out to Von’s on a rabid 11pm ice cream run.

I bought a box of Stauffer’s Whales – that is not the recognized brand Stouffer’s – at the 99 Cent Only Store, because that’s where I was. I thought, these will be the same as goldfish. Now I will have snacks.

No.

They’re somehow cheesier and less cheesy than goldfish. Somehow too salty and not salty enough. Somehow too crunchy to be called a cracker(??). I don’t know how so many paradoxes can be contained in a one dollar box of crackers, but it was so.

I’m not going to buy any more snack foods til they’re gone, so here I am, eating these “crackers” a few at a time. With that kind of forced portion control, I’ll have to resort to the only other joyful food in the house: beer. And that sounds like a diet to me 🙂 🍺

4 Things I Love (That You Should Arbitrarily Care About)

 

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This object is larger than it should be, and is also hilarious.

This is a lifestyle blog, and lifestyle blogs LOVE “five things” lists. They also LOVE weekly series. So in order to be a successful lifestyle blogger, every Wednesday I will post a list of four things I loved during the previous week (five seems really ambitious). That’s a lot of loving of stuff, but I think I can handle it.

  1. Stone IPA with Blonde Coffee Roast. I had this beer at Jay’s Bar the other night. All the alcohol of a strong beer plus the bitter dregs of an over-burnt Starbucks roast? Count me in. That sounded sarcastic, but it was perfect. The added perk is that the caffeine is definitely included. I skipped dinner and drank it at 10pm on an empty stomach, which is an experience I recommend. Afterwards I wandered the aisles at Von’s, confused. I think I made a cameo in someone’s grocery store snapchat. I either stayed up all night or fell asleep immediately, and I couldn’t tell which one it was. It’s an experience I’d like to repeat ASAP.
  2. Tastemade’s Tiny Kitchen. This is a series where disembodied hands cook tiny versions of popular dishes. I find it hilarious when any object is smaller or larger than it’s supposed to be, so I’m powerless against this clickbaity nonsense. On the other hand, I can’t even get it together to make myself normal-sized French toast that I could eat for a regular human meal, so it downright offends me that somebody has time to make novelty meals. Feeling torn about this one.
  3. Apocalyptic Weather That Would Be Benign Anywhere Else. I woke up on Monday to a horrible, loud, crashing noise like I’d never heard before. I thought maybe plane fell out of the sky? I was terrified! Except it was thunder. That’s it. Just thunder. In the midwest, storms happy like three times a week and they’re 100% normal and fine. In LA, cloudy skies are a call for panic. Free anxiety? Count me in!
  4. Vending Machine Breakfasts. I was really responsible for about a week – I bought a box of oatmeal packets so I could eat breakfast at work. But those days are over, because I keep forgetting to buy more. So lately I’ve been getting morning snacks from the office vending machine. I love it because it’s better than eating saltines from a drawer in the kitchen, but cheaper than going out for a bagel. Usually I’m responsible and choose something like chex mix or vegetable chips, but this morning I answered the siren song of the mini vanilla sandwich cookies. I feel ill.