A Simple Quarantine Breakfast Hack!

As a successful lifestyle blogger, you might expect me to be at the top of my game during an unprecedented modern global pandemic…and you’d be right! I have everything I need: a stocked kitchen of perishable and nonperishable goods, exactly one container of Clorox wipes, and the sinking dread that life as we know it has changed forever.

When you’re listlessly floating through a hellscape where every person and object feels suddenly suspicious, it’s important to be adaptable to a changing situation. Because no matter how prepared you are, you can always be blindsided by a setback. Like how I’ve spent my whole life catastrophizing about various apocalypse scenarios and never played out the first stages of a global pandemic. OR how I bought two weeks’ worth of food and forgot to get potatoes. So when I found myself craving a veggie breakfast burrito, I thought: hooray, a challenge! Then I cried for ten minutes.

At times like this, it’s important for a successful lifestyle blogger to be resourceful. And what I did have was a freezer-burned instant hash brown from Trader Joe’s, as well as a bunch of compulsions I haven’t thought about in over a decade!

So with that in mind, I spent 20 minutes looking up how much heat it takes to kill coronavirus and then set the toaster oven to 450 for ten minutes.

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Once the hash brown was cooked, I mashed it up, washed my hands, and added:

  • a scrambled egg
  • some raw kale (washed with water only, followed by seven fruitless google searches to see if that’s okay)
  • washed my hands again
  • dried my hands on a communal towel by accident, washed them again
  • diced avocado
  • Victoria salsa (medium spice)
  • a few dashes of Tapatio hot sauce
  • is the Tapatio bottle contaminated? washed hands again
  • will the hot sauce make me congested and, thus, terrified? oh well, too late

And voila! A soothing and potato-y burrito that I was very afraid to pick up. The crispiness of the hash browns added a comforting texture as I stared out the window trying to remember whether I’d remembered to wash my hands after bringing in the newspaper. The burrito was delicious, my inner monologue was not. And that, my friends, is what I call a success right now, I guess. Maybe?

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I’m going back to bed.

 

 

Adequacy: A Retrospective

I am pleased and humbled to report that I have been a successful lifestyle blogger for exactly two years today. In honor of that, I’m going to get real for a second: it’s hard living under a microscope and presenting my most adequate face to the world all the time. Believe it or not, sometimes I take photos that don’t measure up to my middling standards.

I never delete anything from my phone until I get scary notifications that demand it, so I went back through the archives and found some of my best failed attempts from the last two years:

I think the goal here was to do some kind of post about pajama fashion. I did not do that post. I unfortunately still took this picture.

When I worked in an office with a dress code, I used to leave my dress shoes there every night and wore these for my walk to the bus stop, creating this cropped pant/sock/shoe combo. The only reason I did this is because I ordered the wrong size shoes from Amazon and was too lazy to return them, so they were uncomfortable for walking long distances. I wish I’d gotten around to making a post about this, because it is absolute peak adequacy.

I’m not sure, but I assume I made a recipe and it wasn’t good?

I don’t know what this one is either, but I look very sad and it was probably part of a whole thing that never got written.

I don’t think this one was even blog-related, but it is very adequate.

This is from the time I planted my own garden and finally started to grow a pepper, immediately before the whole garden died.

I tried to paint my toenails and ended up splashing nail polish all over myself and the floor. This was supposed to be an adorably surprised expression but instead I look like the clown mouth at a mini golf course.

So even though social media is a place where we often feel like we have to put our best foot forward, just know that sometimes it takes me several tries before I look as flawlessly adequate as you see me on here. Nobody’s perfect, and as it turns out, nobody is even adequate!

Yoga Class Breakthrough: I Hate Yoga


As a successful lifestyle blogger, I’m required to go to at least one yoga class per year. It’s a requirement I take very seriously.

Yesterday as I stretched in a frighteningly quiet room, a calm woman who was not stretching told me that I could replace my negative thoughts with positive ones, and that my struggle was my choice. And I had a huge breakthrough: she was right.

I can choose not to go to yoga anymore. It gives me panic attacks. I spent an hour trying to vaguely mimic what everyone else was doing, but my breathing wouldn’t fall in line. It’s hard to do yoga poses during a panic attack. Nobody should do that. I should not do that. Why would I ever do that?

One of the most important things to learn from yoga is “be where you are.” And I am not at yoga. That, my adequate friends, is what I call a fitness success 🙂

 

Photo Credit: Inae Bloom