A Simple Quarantine Breakfast Hack!

As a successful lifestyle blogger, you might expect me to be at the top of my game during an unprecedented modern global pandemic…and you’d be right! I have everything I need: a stocked kitchen of perishable and nonperishable goods, exactly one container of Clorox wipes, and the sinking dread that life as we know it has changed forever.

When you’re listlessly floating through a hellscape where every person and object feels suddenly suspicious, it’s important to be adaptable to a changing situation. Because no matter how prepared you are, you can always be blindsided by a setback. Like how I’ve spent my whole life catastrophizing about various apocalypse scenarios and never played out the first stages of a global pandemic. OR how I bought two weeks’ worth of food and forgot to get potatoes. So when I found myself craving a veggie breakfast burrito, I thought: hooray, a challenge! Then I cried for ten minutes.

At times like this, it’s important for a successful lifestyle blogger to be resourceful. And what I did have was a freezer-burned instant hash brown from Trader Joe’s, as well as a bunch of compulsions I haven’t thought about in over a decade!

So with that in mind, I spent 20 minutes looking up how much heat it takes to kill coronavirus and then set the toaster oven to 450 for ten minutes.

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Once the hash brown was cooked, I mashed it up, washed my hands, and added:

  • a scrambled egg
  • some raw kale (washed with water only, followed by seven fruitless google searches to see if that’s okay)
  • washed my hands again
  • dried my hands on a communal towel by accident, washed them again
  • diced avocado
  • Victoria salsa (medium spice)
  • a few dashes of Tapatio hot sauce
  • is the Tapatio bottle contaminated? washed hands again
  • will the hot sauce make me congested and, thus, terrified? oh well, too late

And voila! A soothing and potato-y burrito that I was very afraid to pick up. The crispiness of the hash browns added a comforting texture as I stared out the window trying to remember whether I’d remembered to wash my hands after bringing in the newspaper. The burrito was delicious, my inner monologue was not. And that, my friends, is what I call a success right now, I guess. Maybe?

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I’m going back to bed.

 

 

Life Hack: Health Care on the Go

It’s probably fine though.

As a successful lifestyle blogger, I’m obviously extremely healthy. But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t be struck deathly ill at any moment! That’s why I google any little symptom I have (or imagine I have), just to make sure everything is probably okay. It’s impossible to know for sure whether the internet has all the answers, but I assume it probably does, and it’s cheaper than my copay.

Health care is a private matter, so I used to save up all my health concerns during the day, come home, and search them in an “incognito window.”(That way I don’t have to remember them later.) But then I learned this great new health care hack:

The iPhone’s Safari app has a private browsing mode.

That’s right, now I can take care of my health on the go. If I’m out with friends, I only have to sneak away to the bathroom or tilt my phone toward the wall, and I can find out if the five second headache I just had is normal, or if it’s a sign I’m definitely having a stroke. And then, I can close out of private browsing, and no one’s the wiser…including me! It’s like I never even knew it happened!

But it did. And I am so healthy. Probably.

Just Be Better: Positive Reframing

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It’s St. Patrick’s Day and everyone in the office is asking me “Where’s your green?” They have a lot of nerve, considering I got out of bed at 7:07 this morning, successfully put clothes on my body, and brought said body to the bus stop on time. I was feeling grumpy about being questioned for the one thing I hadn’t done, but then I realized my negativity was getting in the way. I was thinking about it all wrong.

I deserve credit for all the things I DID do.

  • I only needed five alarms to get out of bed.
  • I ate a cupcake at 8am, but I also had a bowl of oatmeal.
  • I didn’t forget to zip the side of my shirt for the entire day, letting only the cooperation of a sweater keep me from exposing myself to everyone, unlike last week.

Reframe Your Situation

When I was looking at my day through one lens – not wearing green – I had failed. But when I pulled back and refocused, I saw all the things I was doing right, and it turns out I’m doing pretty gosh darn great.

So consider this: are you thinking negatively about something because you can’t see the whole picture? Once I looked at things differently, I felt a lot better

In fact, I felt good enough to have another breakfast cupcake. 🍀

 

4 Things I Love This Week

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I’ll be very ill if I don’t have this!

It’s important to me that you care what I, a successful lifestyle blogger, am into every week. Well, since you asked…

  1. Afternoon Coffee. I’ve been desperately addicted to my morning cup of coffee for a while now. I love the ritual of racing the clock to get to that sweet caffeine before the headache kicks in. But it’s become routine and stale. Yesterday, though, I made myself an afternoon cup of coffee. It felt as joyful as that morning cup used to feel, and might even be opening a door to a brand new addiction!
  2. Ignoring Sports. In LA, the seasons don’t change, and time exists only as a weird amorphous blob where months pass like weeks and suddenly it is the middle of March. This gives me even less awareness of important sport times that other people are paying attention to, and because I don’t live mere blocks away from a baseball hellscape anymore, it’s not being shoved in my face. It all washes right over me, along with what holidays are coming up, which day rent is due, and how old I am.
  3. Small, Nervous Dogs. I was terrified of dogs as a child, and while I got over the fear, I never really became a dog person. But lately I’ve been hanging out with a couple of tiny dogs with tiny anxiety disorders, and their stress makes sense to me. I, too, sometimes shake for no reason and need to be constantly comforted. Often I have heart palpitations and I don’t know why. And my legs are much shorter than they should be.

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    Panic attack in progress.

  4. Staying Hydrated. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve been getting a lot of headaches lately. If I go to the doctor, I’m pretty sure they’ll ask me questions like, “Are you getting enough sleep?” Are you drinking enough water?” “Do you exercise?” Obviously: no, no, no. This one seems easiest to address. For the last week, I’ve been drinking a lot of water. Like, actively drinking water. All day. For some reason, I feel a lot better! Also I can’t stop peeing.

How to Choose Happiness

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I was feeling down the other night. We’ve all been there, right? Everyone gets bummed out from time to time, but it’s important to remember not to give in to the temptation to wallow in it. Happiness is a choice, and it’s a choice you get to make every day. So I’m going to let you in on this little secret – one small thing I do that reminds me that things aren’t so bad.

Eat an entire pizza.

That’s right. It’s that simple. I went to the store, bought a pizza, popped that sucker in the oven and 13 minutes later…I was on the road to feeling better. Just like that! The best part is, anyone can do this. That’s right, even you! So cheer up – happiness is a choice and you can choose pizza.

(Disclaimer: I’m a lifestyle blogger with integrity, so I need to confess that I can only eat half a pizza. The fact that I can’t even follow my own advice correctly is, frankly, soul-crushing.)