Last night, I wanted to eat something. I wanted to cook, but I didn’t have the energy to cook. Here’s a perfectly functional recipe for something in the vaguely Mediterranean family kind of.

1 tortilla

some hummus

an amount of onion

brown rice/quinoa blend

mozzarella cheese?

spinach

3 or 4 grape tomatoes

To make this totally acceptable wrap, you’ll want to start by warming the tortilla- I used a regular tortilla even though I meant to get the extra soft ones because they’re spongey and they make me feel safe. This recipe works best if you forget you put the tortilla in the toaster oven, so it comes out far too hot and then brittles itself into a crunchy crisp.

Next, slather hummus onto the tortilla. Any amount will do. Slice an arbitrary amount of onions (best if it’s enough to overpower the whole dish), taking extra care to forego a cutting board and slice your thumb with a serrated knife in the process.

Pause to rinse the blood off yourself and the onion.

Then, add 1/4 cup (maybe? that sounds like a nice measurement?) of instant quinoa/brown rice blend. Throw on some mozzarella cheese because hey, it was in the fridge. Top it off with some fresh spinach. And don’t forget, grape tomatoes are another thing you can slice without a cutting board. So why not nick your thumb just one more time for good measure?

Verdict: This was okay. It tasted a little weird, and that was probably the mozzarella. But if I ordered it at a restaurant, I wouldn’t send it back. I also wouldn’t go back to that restaurant.